Review: Dolci Cafe (8/28/2010)
Impressive little place on Franklin Avenue in Garden City. It''s a bakery and sandwich shop, with a number of interesting sandwiches and wraps. If you enter in the rear (snicker), where all the parking is, the door''s by the tuxedo shop. I''ve probably tried most of the sandwiches by now. All of them are good, though the chicken parm is just OK. It''s better at pizza places. The bread is pretty good. Some sandwiches come as panini.  The only problem has been the roast beef sandwich with bacon, lettuce, and tomato. I call it the "Roast Beef Surprise" because it''s always a surprise what ingredients they''re going to forget. One time it was just roast beef, cheese, and mayonnaise. On the other hand, I''ve only ordered it on Fridays. Fridays there seem to be a problem.I don''t have much of a sweet tooth, but hot secretary advises that the pastries (of which there are many) are tasty. I''m sure they don''t make them in house since the place is so small. They also have gelato, which was sweet and creamy. For you dudes, it always seems to be pretty girls working in there. I''m sure it''s just a coincidence. When I was there one day some guy came in just to buy a red bull and bottle of water. The cashier knew him by name, so I imagine he goes in there every day to buy an overpriced red bull and water just so he can drool over some girl who in reality couldn''t give a shit about him. Good times.The average price for sandwiches is around $7.00. Pretty cheap for lunch in Garden City.Some pics:3 out of 5 starsDolci Cafe953 Franklin AveGarden City, NY 11530

Thanks Bon Appétit (8/25/2010)
The August issue of Bon Appétit has a recipe for using up the cold cuts in your fridge:  End-of-the-Week Deli Sandwich. Here''s the recipe:  take the cold cuts in your fridge; put them between bread; and put on some other stuff like cheese and mayonnaise.  The people at Bon Appétit call this "clever."  And say it takes 30 minutes.Thanks, geniuses.

Something No One Here Cares About (8/14/2010)
But it''s my blog, so I''m going to talk about it anyway. Maybe I get can more nasty remarks from Indiana readers like for my St. Elmo''s review.Man v. Food this Wednesday is in Indianapolis, the land of chain restaurants. Supposedly he was in the area around Memorial Day (Indy 500 time).From the previews it looks like he was at a place called Gray Brothers Cafeteria (known as Gray''s), which is in Mooresville, maybe 30 min. south of Indianapolis. It''s a cafeteria, like a school cafeteria, which there aren''t really a lot of on Long Island (none that I''ve been to). You go in, get a tray, silverware, etc., and move down the line. The food is behind glass, and you tell a server (there are like 10) what you want. They plop it on a warm plate and hand it to you. At the end of the line you pay. I''ve been there a hundred times and have gone there since I was a kid. Looks like chunky was eating the meatloaf, which I''ve never had. They have great fried chicken and chicken and noodles. I''ve really never had anything bad there. It''s good old country cookin. Think Cracker Barrel. But it kicks Cracker Barrel''s ass.The place is very popular. Always long lines stretching out the giant wooden doors. And always a bunch of oldies. Like a nursing home. So you also know it''s cheap if a lot of geezers eat there. I was last there in September ''09 and took the pic below. It''s the chicken and noodles (with green beans and corn obviously). Yum. Never thought I''d have an excuse to post it.

McDonald''s In Mineola (8/04/2010)
Whatever town that is. It''s just off of Glen Cove Road, north of Old Country Road.I just have to say what a bunch of fucking stupid fucktards.

Man V. Food Follow-up (7/29/2010)
So I watched the Man v. Food in Islip show. I wonder how he picks those three places out of all the restaurants on Long Island.I said I never heard of the Port Royal Grille on Main Street in Islip. Watching the show last night I found out why. Chunky was walking down Main Street, and when I saw Tellers in the background I realized, oh shit, Port Royal had taken over Island BBQ & Grille, which I had reviewed. That''s a shame, though the place wasn''t very good. I wouldn''t want to be in the restaurant biz. Port Royal''s "The Captain''s Blog" says that Man v. Food visited around April 30th. Fun quote:What really shocked me was how the ladies were into this guy...This guy basically looks like I did before I had 5 kids and got seriously fat. Yeah, uh, I don''t think the ladies were interested because of his looks. I would imagine (read:  sarcasm) it has something to do with the fact he has a TV show.

Dockers Bragging About Celebs (7/27/2010)
The very lovely Britta Lofgren of Guest of a Guest Hamptons has posted a story about Dockers'' (in East Quogue) habit of bragging about the celebs who eat there and asks if it''s an invasion of their privacy to do that.Read it here.My take:  whether it''s an invasion of privacy or not, it''s probably not very smart if Dockers wants celebs to keep going there. I''m sure celebs and their friends and personal assistants talk, and they may begin to see Dockers as a place to avoid.

Man V. Food In Islip (7/26/2010)
Wednesday (July 28) on The Travel Channel will be Man v. Food at the Port Royal Grille on Main Street in Islip. He will also be at Ciao Baby and International Delight Café. Gee, it would have been nice to know he was coming since I''m a big fan of the show.I hate to admit I''ve never heard of the Port Royal Grille, and have not been to Main Street in Islip for a while, but, good for them, this episode will probably keep them in business for a few years.

Dear Stop & Shop: (6/26/2010)
When I buy a 30 cent pack of gum, why do you give me a receipt that is 2 feet long?Sincerely, etc., etc.,Butter Lover

Wiener Dog (5/20/2010)

Pizza In Naples: Baked With Coffin Wood! (5/17/2010)
Here.  Take that, Mario Batali, Mr. Everything in Italy is the Best. BTW, the "Everything in Italy is the Best" stuff got pretty tiresome when I used to watch his shows.I think the tombstone with the giant "RIP" should have tipped these customers off that something wasn''t right. Oh Google Image Search, is there anything you can''t do?

Portugese Feast May 21-23 (5/15/2010)
In Mineola. Or at least I think that''s what the big banner said that I passed on Mineola Blvd. yesterday. It was near the Heart of Portugal Restaurant. Can''t find anything about it online, so this may be something put on by that restaurant.

Cinco De Mayo (5/05/2010)
Got lunch at Green Cactus for Cinco De Mayo with hot secretary. They were pretty busy there, of course. Like UPS guys around Christmas or H&R Block people around tax time.Do you think employees at Mexican places wake up every May 5th and say, "Oh shit it''s Cinco De Mayo!"

Evening Of Star Chefs Fundraiser May 7 (5/05/2010)
SUFFOLK COUNTY COMMUNITY COLLEGE�S CULINARY ARTS PROGRAM PRESENTS ITS ANNUAL EVENING OF STAR CHEFS� FUNDRAISERRiverhead, NY - The Culinary Arts Program at Suffolk County Community College will be hosting its annual Evening of Star Chefs� Fundraiser on Friday, May 7th at 6:30 p.m. in the College�s Culinary Arts & Hospitality Center located at 20 East Main Street in Riverhead.The evening will begin with signature hors d�oeuvres prepared by Long Island�s very own star chefs including: Doug Gulija, owner of the Plaza Café in Southampton Village; Tom Schaudel, owner of aMano in Mattituck & Coolfish in Syosset; John Montgomery, owner of Sea Levels Restaurant in Brightwaters; Michael Meehan, Executive Chef for H2O Restaurant in Smithtown, and Jim Carpenter, Executive Chef of the Living Room Restaurant at the Maidstone Arms in East Hampton.A three-course wine pairing dinner featuring the award winning wines of Pindar and Duck Walk vineyards will follow. This five-star dinner will be prepared and served by SCCC culinary students. A silent auction, special gifts and live entertainment will round out the evening. Proceeds from the fundraiser will assist in providing instructional supplies for the College�s culinary labs.Tickets are $75.00 per person. Please make your reservations early, as seating is limited.For further information or to make a reservation please call (631) 548-3701 or e-mail rippeg@sunysuffolk.edu.

You Make Your Own Heaven (4/22/2010)
The other day Jim Carrey on Twitter, on one of his crazy rants, was asking people to send in their pics of Heaven. I like this pic (no one sent this in). I like the meditative quality of this. Surrounded by flood waters, she is content with her cup of noodles.

Review: Mama Mia''s Pizzeria (4/17/2010)
She called me Fred. "She" being the somewhat attractive but ditzy blonde who''s always behind the counter at Mama Mia''s when I go in. "Fred" is what she said the other night when I picked up some rigatoni bolognese--"Fred, your dinner''s ready."My name is not Fred.Mama Mia''s is in a crappy strip mall on Johnson Avenue in Ronkonkoma, filled with giant car-swallowing potholes. Some locals told me they love the place, so I gave it a try. The pizza is decent. Average Long Island size. $13.00 after tax.Someone also told me they like the spaghetti with meat sauce. I didn''t see spaghetti with meat sauce on the menu. The closest thing was rigatoni bolognese, which tasted like cheeseburger Hamburger Helper. No joke. That was $10.85 after tax. BTW, there are no prices on the menu above the counter.Verdict: would have given it an average rating for the pizza. The Fred thing earns it a 0. She called me FredWhich she shouldn''t a said.The review is now deadLike a shot in the head.Mama Mia''s Pizzeria892 Johnson Ave.Ronkonkoma, NY

News Source! (4/14/2010)
Long Island Food Blog is now a recognized news source, according to NPR.I was teasing a friend about this yesterday who is an NPR fan. He has now sworn off NPR.Can''t wait for my press credentials to start rolling in.

Bay Shore Restaurant Week April 12 - 21 (4/12/2010)
More here.Aji 53 Japanese Cuisine*Captain Bill�sCool Water GrillDeclan Quinn�sfatfish Wine Bar & BistroGalanga Thai RestaurantGibson Street RestaurantThe Jon Thomas InneThe LakeHouse*Milk & Sugar CaféMitsui Japanese RestaurantMolly Malone�sNicky�s Clam BarThe Nutty IrishmanPeninsula Oriental CuisineThe Pie at Salvatore�sSea LevelsSmokin� Al''s BBQT.J. Finley�sTula KitchenYesterday''s Cafe *Aji 53 and The LakeHouse are participating for lunch only

Good Article On How No One Cares About [Wine] Bloggers (4/08/2010)
Derrick Schneider of obession with food wrote a good article about how no one cares about bloggers--and in that article, wine bloggers. (Look for it on his site. His permalink isn''t working at the moment.)I''ve seen my share of self-important wine bloggers, including locally, who write long, tedious posts about wine every damn day and have a bunch of advertising on their sites. Well guess what? No one cares! Those blogs have no influence in the industry and no impact on wine sales says the article.It''s nice to see a leading food and wine blogger put these people in their place. This guy too. Stop taking yourselves so seriously! No one cares about your blogs, and no one cares about your stupid conferences on wine blogging!God knows no one cares about this website, and I think it''s pretty obvious I don''t take it seriously. I don''t even have advertising and have rejected any offers. I don''t care if anyone reads the useless information on here or not. It''s just my take on food on Long Island, and I started this because I thought everyone else said dumb things about the restaurants I went to. So suck it, wine bloggers.

Review: Maxxel''s (4/05/2010)
Maxxel''s is a little place in a strip mall in Mineola, next to an always-busy Panera Bread. And when I say busy, I means ba-hizzy.Not really sure what the place is supposed to be. It calls itself an "American Bistro." It has mussels, meatballs, pasta, and american and french food. The place seems to push its wines, so it must pride itself on the wine selection, which I don''t really care about.I''ve been here for lunch a few times, not for dinner. The dinner menu is moderate/reasonable, but lunch is overpriced. The place is tiny inside. Maybe 10 to 12 tables.The hamburger (Maxxels Sirloin Burger) is very good. The fries are shit (though Hot Secretary likes them). I should note that the shitty fries are the matchstick ones. On a recent visit they were serving fatter fries. I don''t know how the fatties taste.I''ve had their American Bento lunch for $14.95 (ouch). I picked meatballs and wild mushroom soup and had them pick the veggie and salad. The meatballs were not great and had an herb or spice that was strong that I couldn''t place--possibly cumin, which I detest; the tomato sauce was sweet, which I don''t mind. Balsamic vinaigrette on a mesclun mix was pretty good. Sauteed green beans and carrots were boring and stupid. Wild mushroom soup was not bad.Hot Secretary really likes the grilled chicken with provolone and spinach sandwich. She hated the beef fajita wrap and thought the meat was awful.American Bento LunchHamburgerVerdict: good hamburger, otherwise average food, interesting menu, overpriced.3 out of 5 starsMaxxels526 Jericho TurnpikeMineola, NY 10005

Off-Topic: Go Butler! (4/04/2010)
Butler 52, Michigan State 50 - More The Indianapolis Star Galleries View this gallery at The Indianapolis Star: Butler 52, Michigan State 50 I was in the stands in the Hoosier Dome in March, 1991 when Duke beat an undefeated UNLV team before going on to win the championship. And I stood up with the tens of thousands of people cheering and clapping for 10 minutes (or whatever it was) after the game was over. But I''ll be rooting like a lunatic for Butler on Monday night against them. Great story. Wish I was there. I would love to pig out while watching the game, but I''ve been trying to behave lately.Local (sort of) tie-in: A good friend of George Steinbrenner''s came into the restaurant about 2001 or 2002, and he says to me [Bobby Plump], ''Mr. Steinbrenner has seen the movie "Hoosiers" 180 times. He sees it every time he''s disappointed.'' And I said, ''You mean he''s only seen it 180 times?'' And [''Hoosiers'' screenwriter] Angelo Pizzo told me this: He said Steinbrenner has the movie in his private plane and in his houses. And he was taking Lee Iacocca to a meeting in his private plane. And he said, ''Lee, I want you to see this movie.'' And Lee says, ''Ehh, what''s it about? ''Well, it''s about a high school basketball team.'' And Iacocca says, ''I don''t want to see a movie about a high school basketball team in Indiana.'' Supposedly, Steinbrenner said, ''It''s my plane, your free ride, so absolutely, we''re watching it.''On the flight back, Lee Iacocca asked whether they could watch the movie again.

Don''t Fight And This Will Be Over Quick (4/03/2010)
This unsettling image was also in the March, 2010 bon appetit. It''s from a slightly overwritten article by Andrew McCarthy, of all people, about trying to find traditional brown soda bread in Ireland. I feel like I''m in a psych ward, and it''s time for an angry bath from the head nurse--which I may or may not enjoy.

Local Shout Out: Loaves & Fishes (4/03/2010)
The Vegetable Slaw of Loaves & Fishes in Sagaponack/Bridgehampton was featured in the March, 2010 bon appetit. But, since bon appetit didn''t put it online, I can''t, either, even though I am holding the magazine at this moment. I will say this: surprise ingredient sugar snap peas trimmed and thinly sliced.The person asking for the recipe is named Dotson (first name), and he/she spends a week in the Hamptons every spring. No, I will not make a joke that only people named Dotson spend a week in the Hamptons each year.

Trying Out A New Poll Program (3/31/2010)
Was asked to help try out a new poll program from www.tallyup.com. Give it a shot.var PollInformations_233 ={embedPollType:"small",pollId:233,height:"350px",width:"400px" }

I Thought My Chocolate Pie Was Sandier Than Usual (3/29/2010)
Two losers on Long Island were arrested for larceny and for tampering with a consumer product after buying Jell-O pudding boxes, replacing the contents with baggies filled with salt and sand, then returning the boxes for a refund.Really? You thought this was a good idea? How about this. How about instead of spending all that time and effort on your stupid idea--and getting arrested for it--you spend time figuing out ways to make the $1.20 to buy each box?

New Whole Foods In Lake Grove (3/12/2010)
Opening up on March 17. Have heard rumors of this for couple years. Nice to have a Whole Foods close by. Sneak peak on March 15 with food samples, live music, and giveaways. $10 donation will be asked to benefit Long Island Cares.I remember the first time I went to a Whole Foods. It was in Charlottesville, VA. I was looking for vitamins. The place stank to high heaven, like what the Soylent Green factory ("Soylent green is people!" or something) probably smelled like. I have no idea what caused it, but I haven''t smelled it since, thank God.